For the past two weeks we have been adjusting to our new life as empty nesters. Spending as much time with friends, and the littles as possible. Nothing cures a broken heart as much as hearing the laughter of the little people we call friends. Enjoying a rainy day at the beach with my favorite person doesn't hurt either. Two weekends ago we set off for the beach and to Alex's favorite surf spots to get out and breathe the cold crisp air. Between the rain storms we were able to venture and explore a bit, it was a such beautiful day.
Last tuesday we lost the most amazing creature known to man, our sweet,sweet Haiku. That furry old lady we speak of often.You know her right? As I type this, my eyes well up with tears. Somehow through the intensely shattering experience that particular day, I shed few.
I myself have decided not to bear children of my own. A choice that is always greeted with "the look" that could sink a thousand ships. I feel now that this experience has made me realize that without a human child, I am still a mother. As a very dear friend pointed out to me recently, I raised my dog from the time I was barely out of high school, living on my own, into adulthood. I never gave her up when an apartment I was seeeking at the time didn't take pets. We figured it out, that was never an option. We were home to each other. As I have stated before, we made our way together. She and I, my friend.
I believe that at the end, which was peaceful and still so unbelievably painful and surreal that I didn't shed those tears until after I was able to guide my baby through and onto what was next for her. In that moment, and still days later I feel that I have learned so much about compassion and grace. I was her mother, yet she taught me so much about myself and probably will continue to do so.
RIP Haiku 1996-2012. Such a damn trooper she was, 16 years old. A wise woman for sure. We will love and miss her forever.